Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Noun, complicated network of passages eg, maze.

I got told by Jac that I have to blog. And then realised it's been a while. Well... Classics exam was today. Went ok... Neither good nor bad I don't think. Just... Average. I'm sure English will be much of the same tomorrow.

Aside from that, I really haven't much to report... I'm tired of people who think they know everything and judge you without first thinking th
at actually maybe you do know more than them. I'm tired of teachers who repeatedly lose work. I'm tired of school and trying to stay up-to-date with work I don't even care about...

I'm watching Master Chef. And they're making like... Risotto of Saffron and Bone Marrow, with Prawns and Liquorice. It sounds odd... Like very odd.

I like risotto though. I make it with chicken though. And tomato. It's yummy.

In other news... My boyfriend is adorable ^_^

Thursday, June 24, 2010


noun, a retriever of a breed with black of golden coat often used as a gun dog or as a guide for a blind person.

I cannot even express the relief I feel in waiting for school to be over tonight. To only have to come back here two time in the next three weeks...... I cannot even tell you how much of a relief it will be. And to be able to spend entire days at home on my own... And to lock myself away from everyone and everything and just... idk. Get back to my normal self. I'm tired of being rundown and grumpy all the time, and I'm sure everyone is sick of me too.

seriously, i am intending to see almost no one for most of the holidays. sorry if that sounds mean or anything. i just have to get my head back in the right place. cos right now...? it's not.

and i want to see him... actually spend a decent amount of time with him.

i want to get ahead with my school work, get plenty of rest, getback to being somewhat healthy and unsick.

more than anything though... i want to get out of here for a while. this place just... i don't know. as far as a school goes, it's not as bad as everyone says it is... but spending every day inside these big black gates trying to concentrate on things that don't matter when you've been up until three am the night before trying to read this stupid book.... it's harder than it sounds. i am coming back for my classics exam tuesday, and my english exam and then english oral wednesday... and then i am out of her until end of holidays...


Labor Party

noun, (abbreviated: ALP, in full: Australian Labor Party) major Australian political party representing the interests of working people and, in its ideals, located to the left of the political spectrum.

So... I wasn't going to blog today. But with all of the drama going on in the ALP, and the words 'Labor Party' being next on the list... It just seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up :P

Australia officially has a new PM. A woman for the first time in Australian history. So I suppose I as much as I say I'm not a feminist or anything like that, I do like to see women achieve. In any case, I am in support of her i think. And I think she'll do a good job.

Anywho... It makes me kind of scared. That I actually have to vote this year. But then I think about it, and can't even see how one vote makes a difference. Does it matter whose policies I support? Does it matter who I think should have power? Not really...

In any case, congratulations to Julia Gillard. Haha, it's kinda funny. Everyone seems to be a 'first female____'. First female PM, first female Governor General, first female speaker etc...


Wednesday, June 23, 2010


noun, needing hard work or toil....

Sunday, June 20, 2010


noun, room, building or establishment for scientific experiments, research, chemical manufacture etc.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don't say it if you don't mean it.

There are times when talking about things is exactly what you need. And there are other times, times like today, when no amount of talking can make it better. When all you can do is breathe, put one foot in front of the other, get through the day until you can sink into unconsciousness, hoping that tomorrow, just maybe, things will be better, or at least easier... Tomorrow you will be fine.

If you rewrite history enough times, it can be as if something never happened. If you can pretend for long enough, eventually history will be rewritten...


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Labium. (Gosh darn it Jacqui, you were right.. I'd forgotten about this one...)

noun, each fold of skin of the two pairs enclosing the vulva.

So I'm now thinking my whole 'L' idea is not so great :p In any case, it's kinda funny :P

So. In the past twenty four hours, I have come to the conclusion that I am a jealous bitch and more paranoid than I should be about things... But I shouldn't talk about that here.

Just so you know... I'm sorry everything changed, and I'm sorry we drifted apart. But I guess it's been for the best for you. You wouldn't have what you have now if you hadn't sacrificed our relationship.



Adjective, of the lips.

Some moods can only be fixed by listening to Steven Curtis Chapman on repeat.

It’s kind of ironic, that I became known for a while as ‘Cindy’ or ‘Cinderella’, by a few people because of one friend. Who is maybe still a friend now. Maybe not. I don’t really know anymore. And the song that can always calm me down is ‘Cinderella’ by Steven Curtis Chapman.

That’s why... You know it’s bad when I go from Mayday Parade to Steven Curtis Chapman. Or from whoever else I’m listening to almost solely on repeat at the time.

I’m not smart like everyone else. I’m one of the less smart people in the ‘Ignite’ class. I’m one of the ones who cannot think I’ve bombed out and still achieve the high ‘B’ grade that is not good enough. I’m the one who bombs out, forgets half my essay and gets a 12. I can’t get all upset over a ‘B’ when I wanted an ‘A’. Because getting a ‘B’ takes so much time and effort that it’s just... An achievement even when it’s a disappointment.

I need to learn to concentrate when there’s other stuff going on. Because the only way I can pass is to put all of my time and effort into my school work. And at the moment I don’t do that. I sit down and try to do work but there’s always so much other stuff going on that it just doesn’t get done. Or I don’t work on it as thoroughly as I should. Or... put as much effort into it as I should. There are times when I pass things up and I know I haven’t done my best, and I get a worse mark. And I’m prepared for that. But you have no idea how hard it is sometimes to pass up something that is your best work. You’ve worked on it so hard, for so long, and put everything you have into getting it right, and yet it’s not good enough. You get a lower grade anyway. Because I’m not that smart. And I’m not that good at it and.... I just can’t. I can’t achieve the results I want to achieve regardless of how hard I work or how much time and effort I put into it.

I don’t want to be a psychiatrist/psychologist because I think it will be fun to do. Hell, I have enough of my own issues without dealing with other people’s for fun.

I want to get into that career to further research in teen suicide and depression. To work out why it happens. To figure out if it’s chemical or because of the situation they’re in or both. I want to be in it for prevention. I want to help out kids like the ones I’ve known, like myself, who feel like they aren’t good enough and nothing is worth it anymore. I want to help out the kids who don’t want to do it anymore. And show them that there is more to it. And that things will get better.

But I suppose to do that, I first have to believe that things actually will get better.

I want to do it... So much. I don’t even know what I’ll do if I don’t do that. That’s *what* I want to do.

But for someone like me? Who isn’t that smart? A 95.10 is pretty much an impossible score to obtain. I’ll be lucky to even reach the 75-80 range where behavioural science falls.

There was a time when I wanted to teach. I even jokingly said the other day that I want to become a teacher merely so that I can staple Maccas job applications to failed tests and assignments. I mean, in reality I would never do that, because well... I could be one of those kids getting that job application, and even though I already have a job... It would be upsetting none the less. But anyway, it was a joke so it doesn’t really matter. What I realised though... Is that, while that is/was my back up career option... I don’t want to. I can’t. I couldn’t. How could I be a teacher when I can barely make it through school myself? I don’t want to walk into my work place every day for the rest of my life and feel like the fraud that that would make me feel like.

Here’s the thing. I’m a bitch sometime. And I know it. I’m sad a lot. And I know it. But I think something that you don’t realise, when you refer to me as a bitch, and complain that I’m sad, is that I actually do have things going on in my life. I don’t want your pity. I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t want special treatment. Or for anyone to feel sorry for me. But what you need to realise is that I have things happening in my life. Things that none of you, not a single person who reads this, know about, and maybe will ever know about (well... except Branden knows a lot of it...) I’m not a bitch without reason. I’m not sad without reason. I don’t get upset for no reason. I don’t try to be happy for no reason.

There are reasons behind everything I do. There are reasons behind every bad day. There are reasons behind every remark I make and every snide comment. And a lot of the time you need to just brush it off and let it go because it rarely has anything to do with you.


Wednesday, June 16, 2010


noun, a piece of paper attached to an object to give information about it.

So. Hi.

Welcome to my new blog.

To begin with, I need to explain that the title, 'L is For' is not my creation. I am not awesome enough to come up with something clever like that. Credit for that must go to Lauren, over at Lessons in Symmetry.

Anyway, now to explain a little I suppose. My old blog has... Let's just say a lot of memories. A lot of little posts of annoyance, randomness, fights, happiness, sadness and pain. Now don't get me wrong, it's all important to me. I am glad to have it there. Almost like a documentation of everything that's gone on in the past three years of my life.

But basically it just felt like time for a clean slate. Time for me to start over new.