lagerphone

N, improvised musical instrument made by loosely fitting beer bottle tips to a pole which is then banged to create a jingling percussive effect.

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It had happened before. But that didn't make it any less scary this time around.

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Seven years old you heard me cry
'I don't want to say goodbye
To the only man that I love
My daddy, and everything he was...
"I don't think I can live without you
Dad I know you're breaking in two..."'
With tears streaming down his face he said
"we're gonna make it. I'm gonna make it."

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The idea of losing anyone scares me. Death worse than moving. Though I can't say that anyone who has mentioned moving in the past month or so would have been met with much other than a hostile reaction from me. Its self preservation. Something I used to be good at. Never let yourself get too attached. To anyone. To anything. I used to be the worlds expert at keeping people at arms length. And now I suck at it. I crave human contact. I get to know people and I grow attached. And I get more upset than necessary when people leave or die.

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I recently said on this blog that I have so much to day but that I can't say it here. Well my gorgeous Courtney just bought me my first journal of the year. I can't even tell you how much of a good idea that is for me. In any normal situation I'd journal all the time. This year? Additional writing that I'm not being marked on? No thank you. But now that its over... The idea of getting back into writing excites me. I was ready to start a new story, and to have somewhere to write things down that isn't available to everybodys eyes seems enticing right now.

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Just before I end this post I would like to say, to those of you Who have made the effort to contact me in the past few days, thank you. It means a lot. Not that anyone really knows what's been going on... But those people who have even just sent me a text to check in in the past few days, I can't even tell you how grateful I am.

♥