Ladybird

noun, a small red beetle with black spots.


So... it's been a while since I actually blogged about things that mattered...
I'm meant to be cleaning up so that my shit won't be everywhere when he gets here...
But I suppose it's not that messy so he can deal...
So I guess I'm a pretty shitty friend.
And the world's worst girlfriend.
Or maybe I just fail at picking up signs.
But all I seem to do lately is take things the wrong way.
Lash out before you get the chance to explain what you actually mean.
Ignore you because honestly I'm breaking and you seem to have everything so together.
Cause stupid fights and arguments that should never even happen.
And they're all my fault.
Because I'm the one being a bitch for no conceivable reason.
Lately I've done some things I'm not so proud of.
I've said some things that not only did none of you deserve, but also none of it is true.
Basically, I'm a bitch.
And maybe everyone should hate me.
Or maybe you already do.
Because so many of you should.
Honestly, I don't think you've realised yet that I'm not worth it.
I'm stubborn.
I'm a bitch.
And the stress of everything that's going on piled up...
Well, it's turning me into someone you should hate.
Someone I hate.
I'm not a good person.
By any stretch of the imagination.
I am horrible.
And I'm jealous.
Because a lot of the time I think you matter a lot more than I do.
And honestly, part of me resents you for it.
And that's nothing against you.
Because I'm sure you are a lovely person.
That's just my insecurities.
But those insecurities also make me a horrible person.
Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in bed.
Cuddle my teddy bear.
And hide from the world.
Because it would be a better place without me.
All I do is cause trouble.
All I do is start fights.
All I do is ruin people's days.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is okay until I snap.
I'm tired of taking things out on the people who matter the most.
Just because I know that no matter what I say and do...
You will always love me.
But it's still not right.
And it's still not fair.
And I am still a horrible person.
I just want you...
And the end of year twelve...
And you...

L Is For..... I can't be bothered getting my dictionary :P

Day 10 - Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You Would Like To.

Hey babe...

So... Essentially year twelve just sucks arse. And I know you said you feel bad for not being there for me as much and not being around to talk to. And I would love to talk to you more. I really would.

But then at the same time... I need you to do your best. And you don't work well when we're talking. You get distracted, and then end up tired because you've stayed up til all hours finishing. And it's not fair on you.

I need you to do your work, to get the best grades you can, and for us to get out.

I miss you.

.♥.Leish...