lalalalaal been studying all day and now im bored.

liquor

I am aware that that is not the next "L" word. However, this is a post about alcohol and as I've already used "lager" that's the next option :P

Anyway, I think I've made a decision. I have come to realise that not only do I not like alcohol very much, I also don't like being around people who are drinking or drunk. Its not *TOO* bad in moderation I suppose. But I definitely do not like or support the amount of underage people in our group drinking so much.

Yes I think its all well and good to have a bit of fun. But I don't think its right to go overboard. And I don't think its right to use 'its not my fault, I was drunk' as an excuse for your actions. Have your fun, drink your alcohol.

But I think when it comes to me, I'm going to be avoiding alcohol as much as possible. If I don't come to a party or something because of that I'm sorry. But I don't feel comfortable in that environment and I don't want anyone to take offense to that. Its just a personal choice.

Xxx.

LoveLossLiesLoser

i asked you to make a choice.
i suppose you made it.
i don't know how you want me to react.
or how you think i will react.
but for now i have one thing to say.




FUCK. YOU.

loser

Definition? Me.

I'm a loser, a complete idiot.

Stupid me for thinking that after you've spent all day doing that you might be able to give me five minutes of your time.

Is it really too much to ask?

Five minutes.

A simple 'how are you?'

Really?

That's really too much to ask?

I feel so loved, wanted and appreciated.

lagerphone

N, improvised musical instrument made by loosely fitting beer bottle tips to a pole which is then banged to create a jingling percussive effect.

*

It had happened before. But that didn't make it any less scary this time around.

*

Seven years old you heard me cry
'I don't want to say goodbye
To the only man that I love
My daddy, and everything he was...
"I don't think I can live without you
Dad I know you're breaking in two..."'
With tears streaming down his face he said
"we're gonna make it. I'm gonna make it."

*


The idea of losing anyone scares me. Death worse than moving. Though I can't say that anyone who has mentioned moving in the past month or so would have been met with much other than a hostile reaction from me. Its self preservation. Something I used to be good at. Never let yourself get too attached. To anyone. To anything. I used to be the worlds expert at keeping people at arms length. And now I suck at it. I crave human contact. I get to know people and I grow attached. And I get more upset than necessary when people leave or die.

*

I recently said on this blog that I have so much to day but that I can't say it here. Well my gorgeous Courtney just bought me my first journal of the year. I can't even tell you how much of a good idea that is for me. In any normal situation I'd journal all the time. This year? Additional writing that I'm not being marked on? No thank you. But now that its over... The idea of getting back into writing excites me. I was ready to start a new story, and to have somewhere to write things down that isn't available to everybodys eyes seems enticing right now.

*

Just before I end this post I would like to say, to those of you Who have made the effort to contact me in the past few days, thank you. It means a lot. Not that anyone really knows what's been going on... But those people who have even just sent me a text to check in in the past few days, I can't even tell you how grateful I am.

♥